


Heartbreak Stains Us All

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, Awesome Morgana, Get Gwen and Arthur Laid Campaign, Good Bro's, Gwaine Being Gwaine, Gwaine is a bro, Heartbreak, Lancelot is a bro, Modern AU, Morgana is a bro, Multi, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon, Pining Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9193613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Merlin has come to terms with his feelings for Arthur Pendragon and is ready to tell him exactly how he feels. But when he knocks on Arthur's door, Gwen opens the door half naked, causing Merlin dive deep into his self-pity.His friends, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Morgana all try to help him get over the Arthur-Gwen relationship, each with their own similar motives.





	1. 01| Movie Night

 Merlin was pacing the room quickly as he tried to wrap his mind around his confidence. His friends were all trying to calm him down and boost his confidence, but nothing was really working.

"Calm down, Merlin, you'll tear your floor up," Morgana said after endless minutes of watching her close friend pacing around.

"Calm down?" Merlin asked as he stopped, hands frozen in the air and faced scrunched up in annoyance.

"Yeah, mate," Gwaine piped in. "I don't think it'll be too bad."

"He could literally kill me," Merlin sighed, waving his hands dramatically.

"You're blowing this way out of proportion," Morgana added. "My brother wouldn't kill you over something like this. He'd probably celebrate it."

Merlin rolled his eyes as he continued pacing, his eyes now watching the door like it would pounce on him.

"Just go for it, Merlin," Lancelot encouraged, nodding towards the door from his spot on the loveseat. "It's not like he could hate you."

Merlin sighed as he began to nod his head, shaking out his body as he jumped. "I'm ready."

"Are you?" Gwaine asked, just to be an extra pain.

Morgana sent him a glare as she whacked his leg that was currently sprawled over her own on the couch. She turned to Merlin with an encouraging smile.

"It'll be  _fine_ , Merlin. Plus, even if the small chance of him saying no happens, just say that we forced you out of the house to ask him personally if he wanted to come over for whatever reason. He's so dumb that he'll believe it."

Merlin sighed again as he took his friends words in stride, pulling on his jacket and shoes with a determined force as he stumbled out the door, his friends calling out behind him words of encouragement.

"You go get'em, Merlin!"

"Be proud, Merly-boy!"

"It'll be fine, Merlin!"

Merlin kept those words spinning in his head as he bounded down the four flights of stairs, trying to keep his positivity up and alive even as his doubts kept coming back. He was trying to be convinced that his feelings were going to be reciprocated, and strongly at that. He climbed into his car and sat there for a second, his hands placed on the wheel as he pursed his lips.

"This is so stupid," he whispered, his doubts now chasing his confidence away. "He'll never go for me."

Just as he closed his eyes and prepared to exit the car, his friend's voices brushed back into his head, swirling around with his doubts like sparks of fire in smoke. His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he forced himself to put on his seat belt and start the car.

"Here goes nothing," he muttered.

*

"And there go my pants," he whispered, leaning against his car door, giving himself more time.

Arthur's house was nice. It was a three-story, white picketed fence type of house with a large pool in the back. He never thought seeing that house would bring him so many feelings. With a final kick in his own ass, he pushed himself off his car door, heading straight for the white door of his fate. He shook his hands as he climbed up the small stone steps and onto the porch. Sometimes Arthur reminded him of an old man in the forties for some reason.

With sweaty and clammy hands he knocked on the door three times. 

 _Was three too many?_ He thought worriedly.  _How about two? Four? Should I knock again? Would that seem too prudent? Annoying? Maybe I should-_

The door opened before he could run away, and he forced a smile on his face as he opened his mouth, but as soon as he saw who opened the door his smile fell just as far as his hopes did.

"Gwen?"

"Hey, Merlin," Gwen greeted happily as well as weakly. "What's up?"

Merlin was going to answer, but the purple silk dressing gown wrapped loosely around her small figure and the bite marks showing on her neck caught his tongue. Merlin was at a loss for words as he realized exactly what was going on.

"Merlin?" Gwen asked again, her words full of concern for her friend.

"What?" Merlin asked, shaking his head to clear it of his thoughts and sorrow.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking behind her quickly as footsteps padded down the steps.

"Um..." Merlin forgot about his answer as Arthur came up behind Gwen, wrapping his arms around Gwen's waist. His shirt was off and marks were growing on his chest. 

"Cat got your tongue, Merlin?" Arthur laughed.

Merlin just nodded numbly before spitting out his words. "Morgana forced me out of the house to ask you guys if you wanted to come over for games or a movie."

Gwen and Arthur shared a look before nodding together.

"Let us get dressed and we'll meet you in the car," Arthur said, noticing Merlin's car.

Merlin nodded again, sticking his thumb over his shoulder silently as he backed up. He almost fell down the stairs as he walked back to his car, tripping over his own two feet until he slumped into his seat. He flipped out his phone and continued to text quickly before Gwen and Arthur got in his car.

_To: The Musketeers_

_Merlin: Went to the house...Gwen opened the door half naked. What a sight._

Almost immediately he got responses.

_Lance: Oh, I'm sorry Merlin, really thought it would've worked out._

_Gwaine: Yeah, sorry mate, had my money betting on Arthur kissing you right then and there._

_Morgana: I was sure he'd be...well...free and willing. Really am sorry, Merlin._

_Merlin: It's fine, I guess. But they're coming over still, so I've gotta go._

_*_

Merlin opened the door to his apartment to be met with a chorus of greetings from his friends, who looked like they haven't moved since Merlin left.And they probably hadn't, if he was being honest. Arthur and Gwen went straight to the empty loveseat, cuddling together like it was a natural thing to do. Merlin felt his stomach go wonky as they kissed, heading straight for the loveseat that Lancelot was on. He plopped down beside Lancelot, and Lancelot had to resist the urge to wrap an arm around him.

"Let's watch a movie, shall we?" Gwaine asked theatrically, eyeing the loving couple before picking up the remote.

"I feel as though we don't have a choice," Lancelot laughed, earning a wink from Gwaine as he flipped his hair.

"Nope. And it's gonna be  _horror_." He made his voice go wonky as he said horror.

Gwen squeaked from the loveseat, digging herself deeper into Arthur's side. "Do we have to?"

"Yes," Gwaine laughed horribly, cackling as he browsed through the horror section on Netflix.

"Don't worry, Gwen," Arthur said softly. "I'll protect you."

Merlin made a quiet noise in the back of his throat as he felt like ripping his heart out. He jumped up from his seat, ignoring the looks from his friends as he announced weakly that he was going to get the popcorn before zooming off to the kitchen.

He leaned his back against the white kitchen counter that he knew needed to be cleaned. He was shaking and he didn't really know how to stop it. The whole love fest in the lounge was tearing him apart and made him want to puke. He closed his eyes and cursed under his breath, wishing that his feelings would stop being so stupid and just leave him alone.

"Merlin?"

Merlin opened his eyes slowly at the sound of such a soothing and familiar voice.

"Lancelot," he breathed out, placing a weak smile onto his face in a failed attempt to console him.

Lancelot dropped his shoulders as he roped his arms around Merlin quickly, bringing him into a close hug as he tried to help make his friend feel better.

"I know how you feel, Merlin," he sighed, pulling back. "It's not easy to get over it. But it happens, eventually."

Merlin nodded his head. It wasn't a secret that Lancelot loved Gwen, and it wasn't a secret that he was in pain. But he got over it, so Merlin's trying to believe that he can, too.

"Popcorn?" Lancelot asked, pointing towards the cupboard behind Merlin's head.

Merling nodded, "yeah."

Lancelot made the three bags of popcorn as Merlin watched, trying to calm his heart and mind as he thought about going back to the lounge with Gwen and Arthur, who he could hear were laughing together. Probably over something Arthur had said. Merlin always liked Arthur's sense of humor.

"Take it and give it to Gwaine and Morgana," Lancelot said, pushing a bowl of popcorn into his hands.

Merlin did a weak salute as he balanced the bowl of popcorn in his right hand. "Yes, sir."

Lancelot rolled his eyes as they left the kitchen, Merlin placing the bowl of popcorn in between the tangle of legs that belonged to Gwaine and Morgana. Merlin was always jealous of the type of bond that the two of them had in their friendship. They were the closest friends he had ever seen, and he admired that. He tried to get that with Arthur once, it didn't work. All it did was give him a stupid crush and hopes that were way too high.

He sat down on the loveseat again as soon as Lancelot joined him, holding the bowl of popcorn in his legs as he settled into the seat.

"Movie time," Morgana announced, watching Gwaine pick a random movie.

*

By the end, Merlin was cuddled up to Lancelot's side, hiding his face away from the horrible sights of the movie screen. Lancelot had his arm wrapped around Merlin's shoulder protectively, their bowl of popcorn scattered on the floor since the second jump scare. Gwen and Arthur were in the same position across the room. Morgana and Gwaine, however, were laughing as they kicked each other as the jumps occurred, throwing popcorn at each other as they bet on who was going to die.

"That was amazing!" Gwaine called as the credits rolled.

Merlin uncuddled himself from Lancelot, letting the arm fall from his shoulders slowly, almost reluctantly as he sat up straighter. "Sure, yeah,  _amazing_."

"I agree with Merlin," Gwen said, still clutching to Arthur. "I don't think I want to do that again."

Morgana and Gwaine laughed as they stood up, placing the popcorn on the glass coffee table in front of them.

"Thanks for the hang, Merlin," Gwaine announced, wrapping his arm around Merlin's shoulder as he stood up.

"No problem, Gwaine," Merlin smiled.

Morgana came up to him and wrapped him in a hug, whispering into his ear: "Sorry you had to sit through that. Hope you have a better day tomorrow."

Merlin smiled sadly at her as she backed away, allowing the others to say their goodbyes. Merlin walked them all to the door, holding it open for them all as they left one by one, each waving or patting Merlin on the shoulder as they left.

As soon as Gwaine left his apartment, he slammed the door shut, resting his head against it as he closed his eyes with a sigh. He wished he hadn't gone over to Arthur's today, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. A day  _without_ Arthur and Gwen.

He chuckled sourly. He doubted it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Guys!
> 
> This is a new story I decided to make, after a long time of putting it off on Wattpad. I hope you guys will enjoy this series, because I have spent a long time trying to find a good-ish plot for a Merlin story.   
>  Anyway, I hope you guys do enjoy some of this and get ready for the next parts. A lot will happen--probably--so get ready.  
> Alright, bye, guys!


	2. 02|Words of a Gentleman

  Tip number one: Don't cry yourself to sleep.

Just look at Merlin, who woke up with and itchy and sticky face alongside a booming headache. He groaned as he rolled over in his bed, burying his face deeper into his pillow as he tried to ignore reality. The loud and annoying beeping of his phone filled his once silent room.

With a dramatic sweep of his hand, he grabbed his phone, bringing it to his face with a cringe as the bright light hit his eyes. As he squinted his eyes at his phone, he could see the line of texts Will had given him.

_Will: Merlin, mate, it's not my shop on Saturday's, it's yours._

_Will: Come on, Merlin, you've got 30 mins before you have to be here._

_Will: I would say that I would leave if you aren't here, but Gaius won't let me do that._

_Will: He left, btw, he was tired and done with you. Just like me.Get your ass down here, Merlin. You've got 20 mins._

Merlin rolled his eyes as he tossed his phone back onto the bedside table. With great determination, he heaved himself off his bed and into his bathroom for his daily routine. He almost yelped at the sight of himself in his mirror. He looked horrible and terrifying.

His hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction possible. His eyes were red and sunken in. There was crust all over his face and tear tracks stained his face. His cheeks were a bright shade of red and he was sure he smelled if he just raised his arms a little.

A shiver ran down his spine as he continued on with his morning routine, hoping to wash away how horrible he felt.

*

He saw Will walking around the corner as soon as he stepped out of his car and he laughed to himself as he entered his book shop. The place was an old hand-me-down from Gaius and co. Merlin loved everything about it.

He sighed as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the coat hanger by the door. He figured he should start placing all the books that Will 'forgot' to put away before the shop opens. Which is in five minutes. His shower  _may_ have taken longer than he wanted. With a sigh, he began to put the books away. Sadly, his thoughts still roamed towards Arthur.

 _Arthur would like this book_ , Merlin thought as he put it away. _He could read it with Gwen...Under his arm..._ He sighed again as he slammed his hand on the book, his shoulders tensed up to his ears as the bell to the door rang out.

"Merlin?"

Merlin's shoulders fell back at the familiar voice as he turned his head to look at the nervous and careful looking girl near the door.

"Gwen?"

"How are you feeling?" Gwen asked, smiling gently at Merlin as she walked towards him, a package in her hand.

"Tired," he answered honestly, pushing his hand off the books so that he could fully face Gwen.

Gwen smiled again. "You shouldn't have had us over last night, then."

Merlin shrugged, placing an easy going smile onto his face. "What else would I do on a Friday night?

Gwen laughed as she held out the package. "What would you do without us any day?"

"Rude," Merlin laughed, taking the package. "What's this?"

"A little thank you gift, I suppose. You've always been so nice and you never get any recognition for it."

Merlin loved Gwen, he really did. She's always been there for him. He couldn't hate her no matter if she was in love with Arthur. It doesn't stop how much it hurts, though.

"Thank you, Gwen," Merlin said, turning the package over in his hands. "That's sweet of you."

Gwen smiled and patted Merlin's shoulder before checking her watch.

"Oh, look at the time," she whispered. "I have to go meet Arthur for breakfast, but I'll catch you later, yeah?"

Merlin was nodding as Gwen walked backward towards the door. "Yeah."

*

Merlin was now sat on his desk, the package still wrapped in the corner of his desk. So far, the shop was still empty, as it normally was around this time in the morning. Merlin couldn't take his eyes off the package. He wanted to open it, he really did, but for some reason, he was scared to.

Finally, with a final push, he grabbed the package bringing it to the middle of his desk as he ran a hand over the front of it gently. It was a medium sized rectangle and he had no idea what it was or what it could be. So, carefully, he opened the nicely wrapped package.

On the inside, was a white picture frame with a picture of all of them--Morgana, Gwen, Arthur, Gwaine, Merlin, Lancelot--at the beach, looking very happy and care-free. Merlin smiled at the memory. He remembered telling Gwen that their day at the beach together was his favorite memory.

 He placed the picture in the corner of his desk as he pushed the discarded wrapping to the other side. He was glad to have Gwen as a friend, and he knew that he'd keep her close to him no matter her relationship to Arthur.

And this picture proved that.

*

"So you're at a big dilemma?" Lancelot asked, hands wrapped around a to-go coffee cup as they sat at a cafe.

"Yes!" Merlin exclaimed. "It's stupid and I want it to stop...How did you get it to stop, Lancelot?"

Lancelot paused as he took a sip of his coffee, contemplating how he was going to phrase his honest answer without giving anything away.

"Well," he swallowed. "I guess I found someone new."

"You did?" Merlin asked, curiosity now settled in his eyes. "Who is it? Do I know them? Do they like you back? Is it a friend from the army?"

Lancelot chuckled as he shook his head, a nice smile on his face. "No, Merlin, I can't tell you who it is. That'll just ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?"

"So, what? You're just gonna jump out of a cake and announce it some other day?"

"Perhaps," Lancelot said with a grin.

"...Is it Percival?"

"No," Lancelot defended, waving his hand around. "God, no. Percival has a girl, thank you."

"Can you give me a hint? Is that how you got over Gwen?" Merlin prodded, not wanting to give up on it.

"I  _could_ give you a hint, and it's just the fact of someone else taking a bigger place in my heart that helped me 'get over' Gwen to some extent."

"So?" Merlin asked, leaning forward on his elbows. "What's the hint?"

"...I seem to have this thing with liking people who don't have any room in their hearts for me," Lancelot said slowly, licking his lips.

Now Merlin felt sad for the poor guy. All he wanted was to love someone and that certain someone always loved someone else. The damn bastard, they should drop everything and run to Lancelot.

"I'm sorry, Lance," Merlin said, leaning back in his seat. "It sucks, don't it?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "But as long as I get to see them happy, that should be the only thing that matters."

Merlin chuckled softly as he raised his cup. "Words of a true gentleman."

Lancelot raised his own cup to touch Merlin's. "To the hearts of woe-stricken men."

Merlin hummed as he downed the rest of his coffee.

Maybe with the help of Lancelot and the hint of finding someone new he'd be able to get over Arthur. It will take a lot of time, considering how close they all were, but he just hopes that some day he'd be able to see Gwen and Arthur without wanting to tear his heart out. And, as Lancelot said, as long as Arthur's happy I should be happy.

 


	3. 03| Phone Call

 "Arthur, buddy, slow down, would you? I can't understand a thing you're saying."

_"I'm dying, Merlin. Is that slow enough for you, you clot?"_

"If you were dying, Arthur, I wouldn't--and shouldn't--be the first person you'd call. You would probably call your girlfriend. You know, Gwen?"

_"Merlin, for God sake, this is important. I'll die if I go through with this."_

"He's not going to kill you if you don't do anything wrong. So don't do anything wrong."

_"You're no help, you know that?"_

"You're freaking out about something that's not that scary, you know that?"

_"This is serious, Merlin. Gwen just sprung this on me like it's not something to be concerned about. If I do this, it means we're serious."_

"Wait...I swear to God Arthur if you're not serious with Gwen I will murder you. She's not the type you can play around with."

_"No, no, I'm not...I'm not playing her. It's just...It's her family! Dad and brother, it's terrifying. Like, what if we have a falling out? What would happen to my business when I die?"_

"The fact that you think of your business before your friends is hurtful and terrifying."

_"Merlin, could you stop being an idiot and help me out? I didn't call you so that you could joke about this."_

"That's your own fault for calling me instead of Morgana or Lancelot."

_"Would you just do me a favour and help me with ways of impressing her father?"_

"Why the hell would I know?"

_"Because you've met him before!"_

"So have you!"

_"As a friend! This is different, Merlin. Now I'm her boyfriend. He'll judge me even more."_

"So why should I know how to impress him? Gwen's only ever been my friend, you idiot."

_"For some reason, I can't explain, people like you. Even Gwen's dad. And her brother. So, Merlin, tell me your secrets."_

"How about you don't be a prat?"

_"I hate you."_

"I know."

_"...Am I really that much of a prat?"_

"Oh, yeah. Why do you think you're our friend? Or Uther's son? Pratiness runs in the family, Arthur. Better make sure your children are most like Gwen, then."

_"You know what? I'll just go ask Lancelot."_

"Wow, for once in your life you have a good idea. I'm shocked, congratulations, Arthur."

_"Sod off, Merlin."_

The line went flat as Arthur hung up the phone, leaving Merlin in a fit of laughter and pain. Pain, so you know, in the heart. It was breaking and he was trying to cover it up with humor. Like he always did. It was a very good method.

He was shaking and he hadn't even noticed it, but it started during the phone call, he knew that much. They were honest to God official and now it was off to meet the parents. Merlin knew, now, that all his chances have just blown out the window. He was fine, though. He'd convince himself he was fine if he needed too.

He wasn't going to talk to Gwen's father, nor her brother. Because maybe,  _just maybe_ , he'd have another. He'd never intentionally destroy the relationship, but...He shook his head with a sigh. 

He refused to let himself be like that. As Lancelot said, he just had to find someone else. Someone new. He could do that, right? They could make Merlin feel all tingly and happy like Arthur does...Right?

 

 


	4. 04|Come To Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Gwen's last name is either Thomas or Leondegrance, so I think I'm just going to go with Thomas, because Gwen's father's name is Thomas, and I just really want to write "Thomas Thomas".

It was always the same thing over and over again. No matter the day of the week, it was always the same thing: A rush of people near twelve o'clock, and then the missing of people every other hour of the day. Thanks to libraries and technology, people rarely every bought books. So, by rush hour, he really meant the five moms who come in and leave after thirty minutes of staring at one book.

So, as Merlin sat at his desk, bored and annoyed, he was surprised when the bell range around one that afternoon.

"Merlin!" A voice announced happily, a large smile split onto the man's face as he stood in the doorway.

"Mr.Thomas?" Merlin asked, already smiling as he saw the familiar man.

"Please," Thomas said, walking over to the desk. "Just call me Thomas."

Merlin laughs as he stuck his hand out to shake Mr.Thomas' stretched out hand. He always used that joke when he entered a room. And, to be honest, Merlin always enjoyed it. Thomas was an easy going man with an amazing family and an amazing metal work business.

"Alright," Merlin chuckled. "How can I help you? Gwen send you?"

Thomas shook his head, "no, Gwen did not send me. She has no idea I'm in your shop. But, as for  _why_ I am here, I was coming to ask you if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight."

Merlin blinked as he pointed to himself, a naturally confused look on his face. "Me?"

Thomas chuckled as he shook his head. "Yes, you, Merlin. Really, it's supposed to be a 'couples' thing, but my son and I are not a couple, so it's just Gwen and Arthur as a couple. Unless you want to bring someone?"

Thomas wagged his eyebrows as he leaned on Merlin's desk, making Merlin laugh as he looked down at his hands, which were twisted together in a nervous kind of way.

"I-uh-don't have-uh- _someone_ ," Merlin muttered out, for some reason now feeling being bad about that fact.

Thomas looked truly shocked at the news before he let out a small laugh, pushing Merlin gently by the shoulder. 

"Please," he laughed. "I doubt you couldn't get a date if you tried. Just find someone to come to dinner tonight and it'll be like a family dinner, yeah?"

Merlin smiled as he looked back up at Thomas, his mind running in circles over who he' invite. "Right."

*

"Hey, Gwaine?"

_"Hey, Merlin! What's up?"_

"Gwen's dad just invited me to a 'couples' dinner, so I was wondering, considering I'm single if you'd like to go with me? You know, as like friends of something?"

There was a pause of silence on the other end of the line and Merlin was worried for his friend's safety.

"Gwaine?"

_"Huh? Oh, yeah, dinner, with the Thomas', friends. Sounds cool, great. Tonight?"_

"Yeah, tonight, probably around six we should be there. I'll pick you up?"

_"Sounds good, Merlin. See you around six for the worst dinner of your life."_

"Can't wait."

Merlin hung up the phone with a sigh as he fell back onto his bed. He didn't want to dwell on the dinner, nor on the odd pause that Gwaine took while talking, but what else could he dwell on? As soon as he was about to get up and dress in a nicer fashion, his phone went off again.

_Gwen: Hey!! Dad just told me that you're coming over for dinner tonight. I'm sorry. Hope you can find someone to take you through that torcher. Just...Don't make it Morgana, cause that'll be weird. Unless, of course, you're dating her, then by all means. But, you know what I mean, right?_

Merlin smiled at the text as he picked his phone up, ready to reply.

_Merlin: I have no intention of bringing Morgana, Gwen. But maybe it'll make the dinner more entertaining ;) I'm sure the dinner will be fine, I'm bringing Gwaine, he should lighten the mood._

_Gwen: Great! It'll be fun, hope you like pasta!_

Merlin knew that wasn't something he needed to answer, so he dropped his phone back onto his bed and went to get changed into something at least a little nicer.

*

Merlin took a deep breath as he stood outside the Pendragon household. Gwaine was by his side, watching him with a small grin on his face, and it wasn't the joking grin he normally had on, this was one that Merlin had never seen before. At least, not used on him.

"Gwaine, do I have something on my face?" Merlin asked, turning to Gwaine.

"What?" Gwaine asked, shaking his head to clear it up. "Face? Nothing is wrong with your face, I can promise you that, Merlin."

Merlin smiled, "great!"

"We should-" Gwaine started to say.

Arthur threw open the front door, half his body sticking out into the world as he wore a mixed expression on his face.

"Oi!" He called out to the pair. "Get inside you clots, not a lot you lot can do outside!"

"-go please the Princess," Gwaine finished, earning a small laugh from Merlin.

Dramatically, Gwaine bowed to Merlin, a grin splitting his face in two. "Shall we?"

Merlin laughed as Gwaine looked back up at him, his grin growing bigger and more sincere as he watched Merlin crack up.

"We shall," Merlin said, pulling Gwaine up by the sleeve before pushing him forward towards a confused and annoyed Arthur Pendragon.

"What's wrong with you two?" Arthur asked once they were inside.

"Nothing, my dear maiden," Gwaine said loudly. "We just know how to enjoy ourselves, is all."

*

The dinner was...Well...It wasn'tawkward per say, but it wasn't totally comfortable either.

"So, Merlin," Elyan spoke up, nodding towards him and Gwaine. "You and Gwaine are a thing now? Thought you had your eyes on Morgana?"

Merlin turned pink from the harsh look the Arthur sent him. The look meant nothing in itself, it was harmless, but the subject was horrible.

"What? What? No! No? I don't-we aren't-it's not-what?" Merlin spluttered out, making Thomas and Elyan laugh.

Merlin looked over to Gwaine for help, but only found a late forming smile and another odd look in Gwaine's eyes. Arthur was beginning to lose his harsh look as he began to chuckle, Gwen catching on and doing the same.

"I don't think you'd be able to get my sister, Merlin,"Arthur laughed half-heartedly. "She's much too good."

"Oh yeah?" Merlin asked, crossing his arms. "Can I take that as a challenge, then?"

Gwaine almost choked on his drink at the challenge, excusing himself for a moment as everyone watched him go in confusion.

"He alright?" Elyan asked, looking down the hall that Gwaine left in.

"I'll check," Merlin offered, walking after Gwaine.

*

Merlin found Gwaine outside on the steps of the porch, his shoulders hunched and soft sighs coming from his mouth. Silently, Merlin went and sat down next to him, keeping his questions inside for now.

A few beats of silence passed before Gwaine decided to speak up.

"Sorry for leaving the party...Just been a rough day, I suppose."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"It's...Feelings, Merlin. None of us are any good at 'em."

"Are you having the same problem as Lancelot?"

"What problem?"

"Well...You know...Him liking someone he can't have. Are you going through that, too? Is it Morgana? I bet it's Morgana."

Gwaine forced a laugh and a sigh to leave his body. "Something like that."

Merlin grinned, bumping shoulders with Gwaine. "You always preferred the ones with black hair and sarcasm flowing out of them constantly, didn't you?"

Gwaine smiled at him, something flashing through his eyes before they went back to normal. "Yeah, I do."

Merlin nodded before standing up from the stairs, taking his keys from his pocket and tossing them to Gwaine.

"Get in the car," Merlin said. "I'll tell them we're leaving."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, due to me having to go to Ontario for three days, I won't be posting another chapter for at least three, maybe four before I get myself back on my feet.   
>  So, I hope you enjoyed this little chapter, cause that's all you'll get for a few days.  
> Anyway, thanks for commenting, giving Kudos, and just reading this, it means a lot.   
>  Bye guys!


	5. A/N: Hiatus

 Hey, Guys!

 So, I know this is not the type of update you were hoping for, but I just have to say it. This story is going to be on hold for at  _most_ a week. I am swamped with things to do after missing four days of academic classes at school and am going through some... _personal_ , we'll say, issues right now. I wish I could write more for this story, and I have a half made draft ready to be finished. I just can't find the motivation right now and hopefully, I'll be fine and back to normal real soon.

For all those people who are  _actually_ waiting for my updates, I am very very sorry for not being able to. I never feel great when I don't update for a while, but I can't do it at the moment. In a week, I promise you, I will be back posting chapters and continuing the story. I have the storyline all planned I just need the motivation and the means to put it all together in a way that makes sense and is somewhat good.

Thank you all for being patient with me and liking the story, it means the world to me.

Anyway, goodbye guys, and hope you all feel great and better than I do. 


	6. 05|Deal

 "Arthur told me you and Gwaine were disasters," Morgana hummed, dragging Merlin by the arm into the closest shop.

They both had the day off and Morgana had insisted that they go shopping. Gwen was going to join, but her and Arthur had some things to do at work, so that plan failed.

"We weren't disasters," Merlin defended with a scrunched up face. "Simply a little bit messed up."

"Were you both drunk?"

"Don't think so."

"Don't think so?"

Merlin shook his head as Morgana drop her death grip on his arm, heading towards a coat rack while Merlin followed behind her slowly. He had no real problem with shopping, it was just that it was early in the morning and he just wanted to sleep in and ignore last night. But, of course, Morgana wanted to talk about it, so he would talk about it until he was either going to a: die, or b: have nothing else to talk about.

Morgana rolled her eyes as she searched through the coats.

"And when you both stormed out of the house?"

Merlin shrugged, "no idea what that was about, honestly. Stuff happened, feelings I think, not actually sure and didn't fully understand it either."

Morgana faltered at 'feelings', clutching the coat in her hands as she stood frozen in the shop.

"Gana?" Merlin asked, taking a step towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Huh?"

"You froze out there, for a second," Merlin laughed. "You alright?"

Morgana started to nod, placing the coat back onto the rack and looked over at Merlin with a warm, painted smile.

"Let me make a call," she said, already walking past Merlin with her hand in her pocket.

"Um, alright?"

*

 Merlin swayed on his heels as he waited for Morgana to come back from her call. He could hear bits of conversation as Morgana walked in cautious circles just outside the shop.

"No, no--Stop it--We'd talk about it later--Gwaine _shut up_ \--Fine."

And then, Morgana came back with her painted smile that could fool millions of people. Merlin was one of those millions. He raised his eyebrows in silent question--a trait he had picked up from Gaius.

"Nothing," Morgana said softly, shaking her head. "Just had to talk to Gwaine."

Merlin said nothing as he nodded, letting the topic go as they continued to look around the mall.

*

"You guys do know how complicated this is, right?" Lancelot asked worriedly, rubbing his hands together in his lap.

"Yeah," Gwaine said breathily, his grin half-real as he looked at his two friends. "It's dumb."

"It's life," Morgana said sourly, crossing her arms as she leaned back on the couch.

They all sat in silent agreement as they tried to think it over.

"How 'bout this," Gwaine said, leaning forward onto his knees. "Hurting my friends isn't really on my to-do list, so I suggest that we all make our own moves, subtly, and see what happens? Fair game and everything, right?"

Morgana and Lancelot shared a contemplating look, thinking Gwaine's plan over in their own minds.

"Subtly?" Lancelot finally asked, trying to poke fun at the situation. "Can you do that, Gwaine?"

"Oh, ha-ha," Gwaine said with a roll of his eyes. "I can be very subtle if I have to--and for this? I have to. Just watch me. I'll be  _so_ subtle that  _you_ won't even know what's happening."

"You know what?" Morgana cut in with a chuckle. "It's not a bad idea. Put it all in 'fates hands' as people say. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't...Well...We move on and figure it out. Deal?"

"Deal," Gwaine said immediately, nodding his head.

Both Morgana and Gwaine turned to Lancelot with identical expressions on their faces.

"I don't know, guys..." Lancelot sighed, being the somewhat rational voice in the group. "Doesn't this feel weird? Will it ruin us? Like, the friendship and everything?"

"I would hope not," Morgana said. "Gotta take some chances in life, right?"

"Sure," Lancelot said, shaking his head. "Fine. We'll do it. Deal."

 

 


	7. 06| Relationship Talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a decently long chapter for this story, and Idk why???? Maybe I just feel good for today? I don't know, just enjoy to friends talking about relationships. And a little bit of news.

 Arthur had invited Merlin out to lunch with him, causing a very annoyed Will to be in charge of the shop as Merlin promised that he'd be back and working for the next three days as payback. Will was still grumpy, but he had agreed because...Well, just because.

So, now, the two friends were sitting outside of a nice lunch chatting about anything, having some good-mannered banter. Merlin was enjoying it, but then Arthur turned the whole conversation to a different level that Merlin didn't want.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Merlin froze and almost choked on his straw as he looked up at Arthur with a shocked look. He wasn't expecting that turn in the conversation, nor did he like it.

"Um, no?" Merlin answered, slightly unsure.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his metal chair. "That sounded like a question."

"Uh, well, it's not a question. I'm single."

"Why?" Arthur asked, but then spoke again before Merlin could speak up. "Well, I can see  _why_ , you're an idiot, but that's just me. You seem like a fine person. But, anyway, why are you single?"

Merlin frowned as he took a sip of his drink before responding, the truth swelling up in him, but his mouth spurting lies.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "Haven't been looking, I guess."

"No?" Arthur asked, oddly into this conversation of Merlin's relationship status. "Does that mean you have someone in mind?"

"Uh, no! I mean, I mean, uh, no? No. I don't. No one. Nobody," Merlin spluttered, cheeks red as he looked down at his drink.

Arthur smirked as he laughed at Merlin. 

"You're the worst lier I've ever seen, Merlin," Arthur laughed, making Merlin raise his own eyebrow at him. 

"How do you know that?" Merlin asked, not being able to stop himself.

"Merlin, trust me, you couldn't keep a secret from me if it cost you your life," Arthur said a little defensivly, a roll of his eyes adding to his words.

Merlin wanted to laugh inhis face, point his finger at him and say "Gotacha sucker! I've been keeping a secret for ages! Suck on that!" But he didn't, because he's a good friend and that wasn't something he was normally thought to say to his friend.

"Anyway," Arthur said, dismissing the earlier conversation. "Do I know this person?"

"What person?"

Arthur deadpanned at Merlin, drink to his lips and eyes staring deep into Merlin's soul. Or, that's howit felt to Merlin, at least. 

"Uh," Merlin stuttered, his mind going blank now.

"Is it Gwaine? You brought him to dinner," Arthur prodded.

Merlin shook his head after a second of hesitance.

"Is it Lancelot?" He asked. "You two cuddled during the movie and you seemed to enjoy it."

Merlin opened and closed his mouth. Well, it wasn't a horrible setting, but that was because he was sad and needed comfort from a friend. 

"No," Merlin managed.

"I swear to God if it's Morgana," Arthur warned, pointing a finger at Merlin. "Tread carefully."

"I-It's not, it's not Morgana."

"It better not be," Arthur said, leaning back again.

"Why does it matter if I'm seeing anyone?" Merlin finally asked, trying to make sense of it all.

Arthur paused and licked his lips, shaking his head before raising his drink to his lips. "It doesn't."

"Then why ask?"

Arthur just shrugged, ignoring the looks from his friend as he played with his knife and fork, slidding it around on his relativly empty plate.

"So," Merlin said after a while, not really wanting to ask it, but feeling the need to. Just to make sure. "How's you and Gwen going?"

Arthur couldn't help the smile that formed on his face at the thought of Gwen. "It's great, really. Nothing could be better. Well..."

Merlin's stomach twisted inside, but he answered with an even voice. "Well what?"

Arthur shrugged, "I dunno. I guess, we  _could_ be something more? But father would never allow it."

"More?" Merlin asked, throat closing off as his stomach twisted even tighter and it was now painful. "Haven't you been going out for, like, a week?"

Arthur laughed as he shook his head, looking at Merlin and his eyes were sparkling and very pretty. Not that Merlin noticed.

"Well, Merlin," Arthur started rather smugly. "Seems like I can keep a lie better then you can."

Merlin raised an eyebrow in silent question, not trusting his voice right now.

"We've been dating for atleast a year and a half."

Merlin froze and his brain closed off and everything went numb. He couldn't swallow and he felt like he was choking on so many things. It wasn't faire. Life hated him and didn't want him to have a chance at happiness. A year and a half?  _At least?_ That was horrible news. Merlin was crashing and he wasn't going to recover.

 

 

 


	8. 07|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want everyone here to know that I am a very evil human. Like, just before anything happens, if anything happens...Anyway, I am a very evil person and there if proof of that in every single thing I write because I like pain, I suppose.  
> Just thought I should give you guys a warning before you can call me out on it.  
> Have fun ;)

   _Subtle_ , Gwaine thought again, nodding his head. He could do that.  _Subtle_. He was plenty subtle. He's gone this long and Merlin is still as oblivious as...something oblivious, he supposes.

He raises his hand to knock on the door, listening to the loud sounds his knuckles make and take them back to inspect them. Just in case they got dirty, you know? He swished a piece of hair out of his face just as the door swung open to reveal a slightly flustered Merlin.

"Merlin-!"

Gwaine was cut off by Merlin falling into his chest, arms hanging heavily by his side as his head was planted right in the middle of Gwaine's chest, air rushing heavily from his nose and straight through Gwaine's cotton shirt. To say Gwaine was confused was an understatement.

"Uh, Merlin?" He questioned wearily, patting his shoulder with a single finger. "You alright there, buddy?"

Merlin groaned into his chest, not trying to make any actual words come out of his mouth because that was too much for his brain right now. All that he could think about was Gwen and Arthur and how they've been together for at  _least_ a year and a half.  _At least._ Do you know how much that hurts?

"Hug me," Merlin grumbled, just needing the reassurance of a friend.

Gwaine didn't need to be told twice as he wrapped his arms securely around Merlin, keeping him close and safe as he can in the dingy hallway.

"Um, as much as this is great and all," Gwaine said, masking his sincerity for jokes. "I think we should keep you inside. You look like a monster."

Merlin groaned his answer, not moving his feet an inch. It was almost as if they were cement blocks.

"That just proves my point, Merlin," Gwaine grumbled.

With a bit of maneuvering and questionable noises, Gwaine had successfully got Merlin to the couch. Gwaine had sat at the end of the couch while Merlin flopped himself down across the whole length, successfully placing his cheek of Gwaine's knee. Gwaine doubted that was comfortable, but said nothing because this gave him as much as it was giving Merlin.

 He patted Merlin's back oddly as he wondered what to do and say. Having Merlin this close to him was nice, and if only he had more freedom, he would probably kiss the back of his head...He wanted to, really, he did, but that would be stupid considering Merlin has his heart taken over by Arthur and all that. Come to think of it, Merlin's sadness is probably Arthur related.

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

Merlin groaned again, not making any effort to give Gwaine more than that right now.

"All right...Movie night?" 

Merlin made a higher pitched groan and a nod of his head, which was probably painful, to indicate that, yes, he did want a movie night.

"Want me to invite Morgana and Lancelot?" Gwaine asked, hoping he'd say no.

What? This was  _his_ time to get closer to Merlin and his heart, not theirs. But, if Merlin wanted them here, then he'd call them without hesitation. If it were five years ago, Gwaine would feel embarrassed at how easily he allowed Merlin to command him--almost like a king and a manservant. Merlin being the king and Gwaine being the manservant. But, now after years of friendship, he was sad to say he was used to it by now.

Merlin shook his head, and Gwaine felt a proud smile creeping up his face, but he pushed it back because it would look weird if Merlin were to see it. 

"Um, okay," Gwaine said as he made eye contact with the remote."Either I get up and get the remote, or you stretch your arm and get me the remote instead."

Merlin groaned again as he threw out his arm lazily, patting his hand around for the remote before finding it and throwing it lazily over his back and towards a worried and amused Gwaine.

"Thanks, buddy," Gwaine murmured, turning on the Tv,

Gwaine supposed he could just totally ignore how close Merlin was to him, or how they were  _practically_ cuddling. But why should he? He, embarrassingly, dreams about these things. So he'll sit here and, for once in his life, shut up.

No use breaking up probably the closest he'll get to Merlin. And, yes, this  _does_ count as subtle because Merlin started it. 


	9. |8| Not Good For Merlin

  "A year and a half?" Morgana asked, wide eyed and filled to the brim with worry as her mind went immediately to Merlin.

Gwen nodded, biting her lip to keep back the large grin that threatened to break her face in two. "Yeah. A year and a half. It's probably more than that, but we rounded down."

"Poor Merlin," Morgana whispered, not being able to contain herself. She couldn't even begin to imagine how he must be feeling. She hopes someone is comforting him right now, considering that she couldn't.

"What?" Gwen asked, brown eyes wide and confused as she stared at Morgana questioningly. "What does this have to do with Merlin?"

Morgana pursed her lips as she thought of an answer. "Well...It's just...Arthur lied to him, you know? They're the best of friends, so Arthur keeping a lie from Merlin for this long must be...disheartening."

She used the last word lightly. He was probably dying right about now. Morgana wished she could be there for him, to hold him and tell him it was alright, that there were others who would die fir him and love him like he deserved. And, yes, she was mainly talking about herself, but she knew Gwaine and Lancelot would agree with her. She just  _wants_ it to be here. Really, really, badly.

Gwen nodded slowly, confused eyes turning to understanding and a little bit of guilt. "Oh, you're probably right. I suppose it wasn't very nice of us to keep this a secret. But we couldn't take any chances--not with Arthur's father. He never did like us very much, and we  _are_ considered 'peasants' to him."

"Merlin nor I would consider you both peasants or be disgusted with your relationship. Gwaine and Lancelot as well. You knew that, right?"

Gwen bit her lip and looked down at her laced hands. "I know, I realize that maybe it wasn't the best of choices. It was a spur of the moment thing and over time, well, we just  _forgot_. We were so caught up in love that we hadn't thought about other people."

Morgana wanted to puke. That was the cheesiest thing Gwen has ever said, and Gwen has said some cheesy stuff in her life. Also, her thoughts weren't coming off of Merlin. Merlin was the most hurt here, and it was horrible what this was doing to him.

"You're killing Merlin," Morgana said, only it came out "That was horribly cheesy."

Gwen blushed and giggled, looking up at Morgana through curls of hair. "I know. The whole thing is one big cheesy, cliche, love story."

"You can say that again," Morgana muttered, leaning back in her chair.

From two secret lovers, to keeping the secret from a disapproving father, to a close friend being in love with one of the couples participants. Only Morgana could feel that this won't be the cliche ending where Merlin and Arthur find love. This felt different.

"Also," Gwen said, bringing Morgana from her thoughts. "Arthur and I have been talking about...the next step."

 _Shit_. That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. Not even a little bit. This wasn't  _allowed_. Morgana's heart sped up and her brain went numb. Her body curled up in feelings of hurt and a feeling of being scared. But, as she spoke, her words came out clear and straight. "Oh? That's wonderful."

Gwen couldn't keep the bright and love filled smile off her face. "Isn't it? If and when it does happen, I was wondering if you'd be my maid of honour? It's only right--you're my best friend, after all."

Morgana almost wanted to say no. But she didn't--she couldn't. Saying no would be as horrible as the wedding itsel. Not that she thought the love that Gwen and Arthur had for one another was horrible, it was anything but. It was just that all she could think about was how Merlin would feel about this. Merlin would obviously be caught straight in the middle of it, no question. 

"Of course," Morgana said, pushing a happy smile onto her face. "I'd love to."

*

"Merlin? You want some soup or something?" Gwaine called from the kitchen, poking his head around the corner o fthe hallway to look at his sad friend on the couch. 

"Yes please," Merlin called back, voice all gravely and deep.

To say Gwaine wasn't affected by that voice was a lie. It was a wonderfulyy beautiful voice that could make Gwaine's knees give out in any other situation. But this voice was brought on by sadness, so Gwaine wasn't feeling how he should feel.

"Alright, buddy," he called back, walking back to the inside of the kitchen. "Be right there."

Just as Gwaine reached the kitchen, his phone went insane in his back pocket. With a sigh, he took his phone out of his pocket, wonder filling his mind when he saw that Morgana was the one to call him.

"Hello?" He asked.

 _"Gwaine, I need to talk to you_."

"I'm listening."

_"Is Merlin with you? Are you with Merlin?"_

"Uh, yeah. He's upset, like, really upset, but he's with me."

_"Okay, good. He has someone. Stick with him, alright? I'm worried about him."_

"Worried? Why? What happened, Morgana? Is something wrong?"

_"Well, yeah, wrong for Merlin's case."_

"What the hell do you mean? Spit it out, Morgana."

_"Arthur and Gwen have been talking about the next step, and Arthur must've told Merlin if he's sad."_

"Oh, shit. That's not okay."

_"I know. So stick around him, would you? I'll come by tomorrow and Lancelot the day after me, okay?"_

"Yeah, yeah, okay."

_"Good. I need to go, Gwen's calling me. Watch him, yeah?"_

"Yeah, bye, Morgana."

Morgana hung up the phone before she said goodbye. Gwaine sighed as he put his phone back into his pockey and leant on the kitchen sink. His heart was pounding in his chest and his head was swirling. The next step? That wasn't even  _close_ to good for Merlin. Gwaine was panicking. And that was to put it really, really, lightly.

He had to make Merlin feel better. But how?


	10. 09| Ring Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I neglect this story so much. Sorry for that, by the way. I have no real excuses that haven't been said already. Personal problems, school, other stories on Wattpad and on here that'll be gone soon. But I'm back! So, have this little chapter of sparkly pain, why don't you?

  Morgana watched as Merlin made his way around his kitchen rather numbly. He was attempting to cook something, what, she had no idea. Morgana wanted to put a stop to it, but Merlin seemed oddly and sadly content, so she simply watched in silence as she leaned against the wall, resting her head on the cold surface. She always did enjoy watching Merlin. He was a serious mystery.

Clumsiness mixed with elegance. Idiotism mixed with genius. Soft and rough. Quick and slow. Sure and unsure. He was everything and the opposite and Morgana couldn't  _understand_. She felt a need to understand--a longing that made her stomach twist into a knot. 

A loud and hurried knock on the door brought both Morgana and Merlin out from their minds.

"I'll get it," Morgana offered, not wanting Merlin to focus on anything but cooking whatever it was he was trying to make.

"Alright."

Morgana made her way to the door, and the stranger knocked again, faster this time, and harder, too. Morgana sighed and rolled her eyes as she opened the door. "Yes, yes, what's so important--Arthur?"

"Morgana?"

The Pendragon siblings stared at each other in the exact same look of confusion and for some reason a little twinge of betrayal like they both weren't allowed there.

"What are you doing here?" Morgana asked, gripping the door and standing in a way that didn't allow Arthur to see inside.

"I need Merlin," Arthur stated like it was obvious, trying to look over his sisters head. "Why are you here?"

 _He needs you, too_. "Hanging out. What do you need Merlin for?"

"Shopping."

"For what?"

"Things."

"Things like what?"

"Things that are none of your business. Merlin!"

Morgana was about to push Arthur away and tell Merlin not to worry about anything when Merlin rounded the corner, clearly surprised and confused as he saw the sibling feud bubbling before his eyes. He knew why there was tension, and he felt incredibly guilty at the fact that  _he_ made that happen.

"Hey, Arthur," he greeted, walking closer and pushing himself next to Morgana.

Morgana held back a shiver at the contact of sides pressed against each other. Instead, she focused on Merlin and Arthur.

"What do you need?"

"For you to come with me and pick something with me," Arthur explained, sparing a glance at his sister.

Merlin raised an eyebrow at Arthur as he and Morgana shared a quick and knowing look. "What're we shopping for?"

Arthur made his stance seem proud as he held up his chin and a cocky grin formed on his face. Merlin wanted to kiss him and barf all at the same time. "A ring."

*

"What type of ring are you looking for?"

"A big one that sparkles and is noticeable and makes Gwen happy."

"So a celebrity ring?"

"I am a celebrity."

"No, you aren't."

"Of course I am! I got recognized the other day!"

"By who? An employee of yours?"

Arthur shot Merlin a glare while Merlin just laughed, avoiding looking into Arthur's eyes. If Merlin believed hard enough, he could just imagine that Arthur was covertly buying the ring for him, not Gwen.

"He's not an employee per  _say_ ," Arthur muttered, now gazing down at the multitude of sparkly rings under the glass.

Merlin chuckled more as he helped Arthur look. This wasn't his favorite activity to do with Arthur, but at least it was  _with_ Arthur. He was sure Arthur was going to propose soon enough, a few days time at least, so whatever type of time he could get with Arthur, he was bound to cherish.

"Why'd you sigh like that?" Arthur asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"Sigh like what?" Merlin asked, his eyes never leaving the rings, just in case.

"Your deep sigh that means you're thinking too much."

 _He noticed_ _?_ "I don't  _have_ a deep sigh, Arthur."

"Is it a lover?"

"What makes you think I have a lover?"

"The way they look at you like the way that I look at Gwen."

 _Or the way I look at you._ Merlin froze, looking up at Arthur with the widest and most confused eyes Arthur has ever seen. "The way who looks at me?"

Arthur deadpanned at his friends' stupidity before answering. "You know, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Morgana?"

Merlin laughed a little as he shook his head. "You're seeing things, Arthur."

Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed Merlin's shoulder as he found a certain ring that he really liked. 

"I'll take that one," he said, pointing at a very sparkly and reasonably sized diamond ring.

The clerk smiled and gave Arthur the ring, and in turn, Arthur gave him the money. Arthur couldn't take his eyes off the box and Merlin couldn't take his eyes off of Arthur. He looked like pure bliss and happiness while he stared longingly at the box. Arthur pictured the ring on Gwen's finger, and Merlin pictured it on his own with a rush of sadness and longing that threatened to crush and drown him.

"So," Merlin sighed, shaking his head. "When do you plan on proposing?"

"Saturday."

That was two days away.

"Oh," was all Merlin was capable of. This was all happening too fast and Merlin just wanted it to end. All of it. 

"And you're going to help me set it up, Merlin."

 


	11. 10|Lancelot's Worry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, they aren't fully written in character, which is hard for me to do properly, which is why I stuck to original characters, but if you guys have any suggestions as to what could make them better for future chapters and stories, that would really be great :)

   Lancelot didn't know what to do right now if he were being honest. He didn't know if he should stay still or go and make some soup or something because Merlin looked  _dead._ He wasn't moving off of Lancelot, who was just standing in the middle of his living room, and he was staying scarily silent. Lancelot wasn't particularly good in these types of situations.

"Do you need anything, Merlin?"

"Death."

 Lancelot was taken aback, mouth falling open at the word. "Merlin!"

Merlin groaned at the loud noise, raising his arm to lazily hit his arm and groaned again. "What?"

"You can't say things like that!" Lancelot protested, gripping Merlin's shoulders as he pushed him back, looking into Merlin's tired and red eyes. "It's not true, right?"

Merlin shrugged, and Lancelot almost threw up while yelling at Merlin all at the same time. 

"Merlin," he said slowly, staring into Merlin's eyes and ignoring the feeling that he should tip his head closer. "You are  _not_ allowed to say that again, alright? Just because Arthur's out loving Gwen doesn't mean you don't have other things that are better. You can find someone else so easily and fall in love with a snap of your fingers."

Merlin sighed and dropped his head against Lancelot's forehead, and Lancelot's heart just exploded. He was so close, but kissing him wasn't subtle, nor was it wanted on both ends. 

"I don't know what to do anymore, Lance," Merlin whispered. "It's all... _falling_ , you know? And I...I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I need an answer. Give me and answer, Lance."

 Lancelot was shocked silent as he tried to think of what to say, and before anything came to his mind, he finally wrapped his arms around Merlin's back, holding him in a kind and warm hug that Merlin truly needed but didn't really want.

"I don't have the answer, Merlin," Lancelot sighed, "but I do know that this isn't worth sobbing over. It won't help you in the long run. Trust me, I know what you're going through. The only advice I can give you is to just go out and find someone new, different, willing to love you like you love Arthur. You'll get over it soon enough, and soon it won't hurt anymore."

Merlin was silent as he let it all sink in. Sure, he knew Lancelot was right, but it wasn't easy. It was horrendously impossible and it needed to stop and Merlin knew it wouldn't stop unless he took Lancelot's advice. But he couldn't, and he knew he couldn't. It wouldn't be the same. No one would be Arthur, and, really, Arthur was the only option. He's never thought about someone else romantically. Well, sure, there was Freya all that time ago, but that ended and nothing started again until Arthur.

"I can't," Merlin whispered, closing his eyes. "I just can't."

Lancelot's heart stopped that day. Merlin was so convinced that he couldn't love another that he wouldn't even try. Lancelot knew, if only by Merlin's last words, that once again love wasn't going to come to him full swing. It was always one-sided for Lancelot.

"I know," he sighed, holding back his own feelings to help Merlin instead. "I know."

*

"God, I hate seeing him like this, Gwaine. It's awful."

_"I feel the same, Lance. But what can we do? From what you said it doesn't sound like we have much of a chance anymore."_

"I don't think we ever did, Gwaine. I just want him to be happier, you know? Go back to his old self."

_"It can't be easy, Lance. I mean, look at you, you took ages to come full circle--and I doubt you even have yet."_

"This is different. Merlin'll barely move from the couch. He's barely eating. It's scary."

_"I don't know anymore, Lancelot. I'm texting Morgana right now, and she's telling me that maybe the answer to our problem is the problem."_

"Look, I know I may sound deep and wise sometimes, but what did she just say?"

_"Lance, it's not that hard to figure out. She's thinking that maybe for Merlin to feel better, he needs to be with Arthur."_

"He's going to be with Arthur tomorrow."

_"Doing what?"_

"...setting up for the proposal."

Gwaine let the phone sit in silence for a good two minutes as the surprise settled in. Lancelot wasn't supposed to know, nor was he supposed to tell Gwaine, but what could he do? He was trying to help his best friend out.

_"Shit."_

"That's what I thought, kind of."

_"This is a huge problem, Lance. Sure, he can act happy, but come on? Helping with the proposal? That's just insane. How can Arthur be this blind?"_

"He's been blinder to easier things, Gwaine. I'm not really surprised."

_"I know, he's an absolute idiot, I don't know why Merlin fancies him."_

"We need a plan, don't we? We all know proposals lead to weddings and weddings normally lead to forever and children and dogs and all of those things."

_"We'll get together tomorrow and think of a way to make him better. As much as I hate to say it, there's not much we can do anymore. Love is love."_

"Yeah, I get it. Tomorrow it is."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, next week is the last week of school and I am being buried in ways to help improves my marks. So, probably, there won't be an update next week, but then it's spring break and I'm staying at home while all my friends go and have fun in other countries. So, that means more updates!   
>  Yay! And I do truly apologize for the long wait. It's been hectic and I just forgot about this entirely. My deepest apologies!!


	12. 11|Riddles For Your Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, quality in chapters may be going down because of the quality of the author is going down. So, please beware of the horrid quality of my writing.

 "You look more nervous than I do, and  _I'm_ the one who's proposing," Arthur snarked once they were sitting in traffic.

 _You're not the one watching the love of your life get hitched._ "Well, if I mess up, maybe she won't say yes. So, I have pressure, too."

"All you're doing is picking her up, giving her a scavenger hunt of some sort, and then you can bring us food and wine once we're ready."

"So I'm your manservant for the day." Merlin deadpanned, looking over at Arthur as the car began to move again, and he was closer to Gwen's house then he wanted to be.

"Is that a bad thing?" Arthur questioned with a smirk, turning up onto Gwen's street. "I'd be a great King."

"Mhm," Merlin muttered, rolling his eyes and playing with the joke. "Ah, yes, I can see it now; the great King Arthur, his Queen Gwen, and his loyal manservant Merlin. Sounds like a good story."

"Hey!" Arthur protested, waving one hand at Merlin as they came to a stop at Gwen's home. "It  _is_ a legend, you know. Just, the names are changed and--"

"Their Arthur is better than mine." He didn't mean to sound so snarky as he left Arthur's car, but who could blame him? His best friend and the only person he loves is getting engaged to someone who  _isn't_ him, so of course, he's pissy, and he thinks he deserves the right to be pissy for the rest of his life. God knows Arthur will boast about it for decades to come.

"Don't talk back to your king, Merlin!" Arthur called from the open window, putting his car into reverse. "And don't mess up! I'll kill you!"

"Got it!" Merlin called back to him, watching as he left. "...Royal prat."

 Merlin took a long needed breath as he flexed his fingers. He was going to do this. He was really going to help his love get engaged. God, he was just happy that Gwen was an amazing person. That was why it hurt even more. He couldn't give an excuse as to why Arthur and Gwen should break up, Gwen was too nice a person for her to turn her back on Arthur again. And, yes, there was a time when Gwen was more... _Interested_...In Lancelot then she was Arthur, but it all worked out in the end. Slightly.

Merlin was nodding his head as he knocked on Gwen's door maybe just a little too harshly. He bounced on his heels as he could hear hurried footsteps behind the door. A moment later, the door swung open, revealing a pretty and smiling Gwen who's hair was blown back from her running and was dressed in a cute little purple dress.

 "Merlin!" She beamed at him, holding the door open with a single hand, her phone in the other one. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm on a mission," he said with a big smile.

"A mission?" Asked Gwen, playing along with Merlin's childish play. "What kind of mission?"

"A hunt type of mission," Merlin said.

"Sounds fun. Why are you here? Am I playing a part?"

"Yes, a very  _important_ part. Now, come on, we haven't much time!"

*

Gwen was giggling like a child as she read over the riddles Merlin and Arthur had come up with last minute.

"I have 88 keys, yet I open no door. What am I?" She read out, still giggling as excitement for a hunting mission bubbled over her edges. "Merlin, what is this?"

"Don't know, Gwen," Merlin said with a forced grin, keeping his eyes on the road as he turned a corner. "You're supposed to figure it out."

Gwen sighed with a smile as she reread the riddle, but her gaze flicked to Merlin a few times, and her joyous smile fell, the air turning sour in a heartbeat as Gwen left the riddle on her lap.

"Merlin?" She asked softly, and Merlin's grip on the wheel tightened, his knuckles going white. "Are you alright?"

 _No. No. No. No. No._ "Yeah, fine, why?"

"You seem sad. Are you sure you're alright? You can talk to me, Merlin, you know this." Gwen's eyes were pleading and large and Merlin didn't even dare cast a look her way, he wasn't taking any chances of spilling anything right now.

 _No, I can't. If I do, then you'll know that I am in love with your boyfriend. Stop being so nice._ "I know, Gwen, I know that. I do. But, I don't need to talk about anything right now. I'm fine if only a little bit tired. Trust me."

Gwen was silent for a moment, her lips tightly pressed together in thought. She finally sighed, not knowing if Merlin was telling the truth or not, and focused her attention on the riddle again.

"All I can think of," she said, biting her lip gently. "Is a piano, but that doesn't make any sense, right?"

  "Of course it does," said Merlin with a new found energy. "What comes to mind when you think of a piano, Gwen? First thing."

"Arthur and I's first date, but..." Gwen trailed off, staring down at the riddle with a small smile climbing up her face. "Merlin...Is this what I think it is?"

"What do you think it is?" Merlina asked, thinking that maybe she figure it all out, a sense of nervousness climbing up through his throat at the thought.

"Did Arthur set this up? Are you leading me to a date?" She asked, her eyes lighting up with happiness.

Merlin shrugged, hoping she didn't know the outcome of this setup. "Let's just go see that piano, huh?"

*

 The piano was in the middle of a large and barren room in the middle of nowhere. Gwen seemed to think of it as romantic and love filled, while Merlin just through it was a little bit sketchy. A house in the middle of nowhere? No thank you.

"Oh!" Gwen called out as soon as they entered the building, her voice echoing around the room. "A note!"

A white folded piece of paper was standing in the middle of the piano stool, and Gwen ran over to it, wanting this to go faster so that she could see her beloved Arthur. Gwen read it over and over, her smile turning confused as she looked up at Merlin, who had a small smile on his lips.

"I don't get it," she said simply, flipping the note over so that Merlin could see it. "I start with P and end in O-R-N and I'm a major in the film industry."

Merlin giggled at the riddle, making Gwen look at him in a mix of disappointment, confusion, and amusement.

"That's disgusting," she said with a small laugh, shaking her head. "I hope that it's not what it sounds like, or Arthur is  _not_ going to be seeing me again for ages."

 _Good_. "No, it's nothing like that," Merlin said, closing down Gwen's accusations quickly. "It's much more vanilla than that, I promise."

Gwen laughed and looked down at the note again, studying it for a moment longer before her face lit up with knowledge.

"Popcorn."

*

The theater wasn't  _too_ crowded today, but it still wasn't as empty as Merlin had wanted. He didn't like crowds much. He placed his hand on Gwen's back as he pushed her through the crowd, making sure she was the one who got to the counter first despite the grumpy people behind them all.

"We're here for a riddle," Merlin said with a smile, one that made the girl behind the counter lose her gruff face and smile back at Merlin, nodding her head and walking into the back where the note was.

"She liked you," Gwen pointed out coyly, nudging Merlin's shoulder with her own, a sly smile on her face.

Merlin, despite not being attracted to the poor girl, blushed and ducked his head, ignoring Gwen's melodic laugh. "Yeah..."

The girl came back with her nice smile, her eyes sparkling as Merlin took the note, smiling up at the girl before leaving, Gwen at his heels. He handed Gwen the note, looking over his shoulder to see the girl looking at him, she waved her fingers and Merlin just turned his head around quickly. He doesn't actually know what to do when these things happen. It rarely ever happens to him. He's okay with that.

"What has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but never walks, and has a bank but no money? Merlin...Is this you?" Gwen laughed to herself as they left the theater.

"Ha ha," Merlin laughed sarcastically. "You're oh so funny, Gwen."

"I know," she said with a bright and blinding smile. "But, honestly, I don't get it. Help?"

"They're not my riddles to solve, Gwen, just mine to give."

"You're a horrible human being."

"I can live with that."

Gwen laughed again, stopping near the car door, staring down at the riddle in her hands. "Can't you just, I don't know, tell me? I just want to get to Arthur."

Merlin held back a new wave of emotions as he forced his smile to shine at Gwen, who smiled back once she looked up. "No, this is the last one, though. So, as soon as you figure this one out, you can find your beloved prince."

Those words hurt to say. Like,  _really_ hurt. Arthur was meant to be  _his_ prince, his king, perhaps. They were the ones who were supposed to be so in love it made other want to puke or find a love like theirs. It wasn't for Gwen and Arthur, it was for Merlin and Arthur. No one else. 

"Um..." Gwen mumbled, biting the ends of her hair in thought. "Oh! Is it a river?"

Merlin broke out into a proud grin, opening his door as an indication that, yes, Gwen, it was a river.

*

The forest was comepletly silent other than the distant sound of a river and the laughter of Gwen and Merlin. Merlin loved Gwen, he really did. She was sweet and brave and hilarious and Merlin wanted what was best for her. Unless, you know, it was Arthur. Then Gwen could die in the pits of hell...Nicely, though. 

"So, Merlin," Gwen said suddenly, brushing their shoulders together as the small river came into view. "Got anyone special?"

 _Yes_. "No, not really."

"Like anyone?"

 _Yes._ "Don't think so."

Gwen hummed as Merlin jumped across the rocks, holding out a hand for Gwen to take, helping her across the river before walking beside her again towards the blanket that was covered in food and wine. Gwen gasped at the sight, just as Arthur came out of the trees, a burning smile on his face as he looked Gwen over, and Merlin could see all the love flooding his features.

"Gwen!" Arthur called, opening his arms for his lover.

Gwen beamed and laughed happily, running towards Arthur, flying into his open arms. Arthur spun her around, laughing along with her and Merlin wanted to vomit. It was sickening how in love they were, and, slowly, Merlin turned his back on them, not wanting to see their love or for them to see his tears that were, sadly, falling down his cheek already. He sniffled as he jumped over the rocks shakily, almost falling in from the blurriness of his eyes.

He knew this was going to hurt, but now that he was here, listening to the sounds of love behind him, knowing what was about to happen, it hurt too much to stay and do his job, so he left. He ran away like a coward. He was in pain and he could barely make it to his car before he collapsed, pressing his shoulder against the door as he slid down to the stone-cold ground.

He let his tears fall freely down his face his heart exploded into dust. He's giving up. He's done, he's over it. Well, he's not, he never will be, but he wants to be. But he doesn't. He doesn't know what he wants anymore, his head is swirling and he can't think clearly. Everything was unclear and blurry and soon his eyes were closed, wet and uncomfortable against his face.

His lashes felt heavy and clumpy and he wanted to open them again, but he was scared of what he would see, real or not, so he kept them closed. With his eyes closed and his body curled into a shaking and sobbing ball, his life finally came to an abrupt end. He knew how this ended, and, God, he did not like what his mind could finally focus.

_You're never getting him back, Merlin. He's gone and you get to watch it with a smile._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be coming to a close. The next chapter will be the Epilogue, where my final idea for this story will be set. I hope you guys have enjoyed this while it lasted, and I want to thank you all for sticking around with my, um, special chapters and my odd scheduling.  
>  Love you, and thanks a bunch!


	13. Epilogue

 The room was abuzz with nerves, happiness, love, and sadness. If you looked hard enough, if you paid enough attention to the room, to the people, to the actions, you'd see betrayal and hopelessness. You would feel the emotions in the room as if they were your own, and if you looked hard enough at the two faces, standing back to chest, you'd see how one looked on top of the world, while the other looked like he was underneath the dirt.

He smoothed over the shoulders of his best friends suit, relishing in the fact that this was as close as he would get. He listened as his friend vented out his idiotic fears, making himself huff out laughs when needed.

"--I mean, I know what I'm doing, honestly, I always do. But, I mean come  _on_ , what if she doesn't like it? What If I  _do_ mess up?"

"You won't mess up, Arthur," Merlin interrupted softly, reaching his hands over his shoulders towards the top of his chest, smoothing out the tie and fixing it until it's perfectly straight.

Arthur laughed, and it sounded wet, and Merlin feared that Arthur might be close to crying.

"You seem to be very used to doing this," Arthur commented, just wanting something to talk about anything but what was to come, despite how happy he was.

"Well," Merlin muttered, nodding his head and slowly taking his hands away, finally smoothing out the back of Arthur's suit as his last movement of full blown contact in this room. "Will's always been useless."

  "Will's an idiot," Arthur scoffed out, shaking his head as he looked at himself in the mirror. "Not bad, Merlin. Maybe you  _could_ be my manservant someday."

Merlin snorted stepping away from Arthur--from the temptation. "Please. Me serve you? I'd die before I'd do that."

Arthur rolled his eyes and turned to Merlin, and Merlin could finally see just how nervous the man was despite his cocky grin. It was how different his eyes looked--the shakiness of his eyes, the glaze that covered his eyes in a way that just seemed off.

"You'll be fine, Arthur," Merlin said calmly, smiling lightly up at his dear friend. "Plus, if you do mess up, it's Gwen, she'll probably fall more in love with you."

_I know I would_.

*

If you were an outsider, the wedding would look perfect. The bridesmaids were all wearing beautiful red and gold gowns, and the groomsmen were wearing black suits with gold rims. The groom himself was standing beside his best man, his best friend, watching the aisle in anticipation for his love to come and join him in holy matrimony.

everyone was happy and smiling and nobody objected to the marriage. That's what it looked like. But there were four people who were on the inside, who knew what was happening behind the scenes of every date, anniversary, or this wedding. 

Morgana, Gwaine, and Lancelot could all see the tears that Merlin was holding back. The pain he was keeping inside to keep the light of his life happy. They knew that four people were in pain today. Bigger pain then they would've ever wanted. 

They didn't like love anymore.

To them, love could only cause pain. There was no acceptance in it; no truth in words or actions; no freedom for the silent lovers.

They could see through Merlin's mask, they could see how tired he was, how sad and broken he has become. This wedding wasn't helping him gather up his pieces and glue them back together. It was tearing him apart even more.

 Who would assume that this wedding was not a happy time? The groom wouldn't, and it was evident as he grinned down at his best man with the brightest smile Merlin had ever seen. The only way Merlin could force his smile to his face was by imagining that he was Gwen instead. 

The music began to play as the floor opened up beneath Merlin. Gwen walked down the aisle as Merlin was falling into the abyss. Nobody noticed. Not even the three broken lovers surrounding the falling man.

He was the only one.

*

Merlin stood before the crowd, drink in hand and speech memorized. The best man always made a speech.

"Once upon a time, I knew a man who lived only for booze, himself, and the countless women he could get. He didn't care for feelings or relationships, and that's how it went. That's who I knew. That's who I thought he would always be. The idiot who ran from girl to girl, not caring for the mess he left behind. And, sadly, that's who I called my best friend."

A chorus of laughs rang around the room as Merlin looked at Arthur and Gwen, who sat shoulder to shoulder with wet cheeks and love-filled grins. Merlin continued.

"I've never seen him show compassion before. I've never seen love on his face, or hopelessness or anything of the sort. But then he met a girl who had him stumbling from the moment she walked into the room. He's never been one to stutter, but she made him so nervous that he could barely make a sentence that made sense. I've always been one to believe in love at first sight, but, by God Arthur, you took that to a whole new level."

He raised his glass to Arthur, who did the same to him, and chuckled sadly at the memory of the first meeting between Gwen and Arthur.

"You told me, late that night, that you were going to marry that girl. You told me that she was going to be the one you spent the rest of your life with. I laughed you, then, and wondered how anyone could fall in love with a prat like you."

He paused, swallowed down the lump in his throat, and held in the tears, looking down at his feet to make sure that no one saw his wet eyes.

"She proved me wrong. She fell as hard as he had. It took time, and suffering, not only for Arthur but for me. God, do I remember the countless nights where Arthur would call me, venting about his love for that girl. ' _Oh, she's so beautiful.' 'She's gonna be my wife, Merlin, trust me.' 'How can someone be so kind? I think it should be illegal.' 'Do you think she likes me? Can you talk to her? Ask her? I need to know!'"_

Arthur shot Merlin a glare, his cheeks flushing red as Gwen laughed and kissed his cheek. Merlin sent him a blurry wink and avoided his friends' eyes. He didn't mind the late night calls, he liked listening to Arthur talk. He just didn't like the subject.

"He changed over the years. That one girl changed him into an odd type of gentleman. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen, but, hey, I'm not complaining."

He turned to Gwen, looking eyes with the kindest girl he knew, and flashed her a smile and tipped his drink towards her, and she smiled and tilted her head, placing a hand on her chest, right over her heart.

"Gwen, you were the best thing for Arthur, and you always will be. I hope that you're ready to deal with decades worth of massive egos and burnt meals. Good luck to you, Gwen."

*

 Maybe having an open and free bar was a mistake. Merlin drank too much. He knew he had, but he needed something to drown the pain and the sadness, and the bar was right there, right in front of him. So, now, due to his non-stop drinking, he was outside the wedding venue, sitting alone in the grass as he watched the stars, eyes not wanting to give up crying.

He knew he wasn't going to get better. He knew that one day, there will be tiny Pendragons running around. He knew he'd never escape this hell he put himself in. He knew all of this, he didn't need someone else to tell him what he's done, how many mistakes he's made. He was pretty aware of how shitty his life has become due to his actions.

He also knew that, if he told Arthur how he felt, things would never be the same between them. Arthur would turn him away; they would stop being two sides of the same coin. They would turn into two separate coins; two separate people. He didn't want that.

Someone sat beside him, a glass cup in hand, and a sigh escaping his lips.

"It's nice out," he said.

Lancelot.

"Sure," Merlin mumbled, taking the final gulp from his own glass. "'S great."

Lancelot didn't say anything for a while. He could hear the sniffles from Merlin, the odd hiccup coming from his left. He didn't think twice before wrapping his arm around Merlin's shoulder, bringing him close to his chest, dropping his glass to the grass before wrapping his other arm around the front of Merlin's chest.

Lancelot said nothing as Merlin curled himself into a ball, digging his head further into Lancelot's chest. He couldn't help the sob that left his chest. He was shaking when Lancelot began to run his hands up and down Merlin's arms.

"I know, I know," whispered Lancelot, having to hold back his own tears for Merlin. "I know."

Merlin was shaking his head, silently saying  _no, no, you don't how could you?_ but his mouth remained closed, holding in the horrible and throat hurting sob that had been building up all night.

Lancelot, slowly, kissed the top of Merlin's head in a comforting motion, and Merlin let out the sob that destroyed them both.

It's over. They both knew it. Two people out of six got their happy ending. 

Two out of six.

It was all over.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of this story. Thanks so much for reading and commenting and leaving Kudos, it means a lot to me, really.  
> I hope you guys have enjoyed this short little thing that I call a story, I know it wasn't too much of a story, but, hey, it was in my head.  
>  I know this was very rusty and repetitive, and, I know, no happy ending, oops, but if you guys liked it, then yay, I did something right.  
>  Anyway, thanks for reading this and giving it a chance.  
> Love you guys.


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